Too much all at once? I don't know. I feel a little overwhelmed, a little excited, and very nervous. It seems like since my internship at Dine Alone Records ended in January, I've done nothing at all. Now I'm out of school and I do less than nothing. I am constantly nagged about how I don't have a job, I sleep too much, I don't help out at home and blah blah blah.
Well now all at once, in a matter of a week or so I have so much coming together that I can't keep track of it all and though nothing has happened yet, I'm stressing myself out pretty bad. It's a weird habit of mine. I stay pretty calm in situations when most people go ape shit (probably because I mostly just don't give a damn) but then all these little things pile up in my head and I think about them and think about them until I drive myself crazy. I lose sleep. I make myself literally sick to the stomach.
For the past month, I've been teaching guitar lessons privately. No big deal really, just helping some little kids learn the basics. I had a few students here and there, but as of now, I have one student on a regular basis- a little boy that lives a few blocks away from me. It would seem that this is a simple gig and the money is good in relation to the time I put it. But now that school is back in, I travel to this kid's house for the lesson. Looking at the weather forcast and seeing that it's suppose to rain on a day when I need to walk there stresses me out to the max. I don't even really know why. I hate the feeling of wet clothes. (Yes, I also hate swimming) Maintaining my hair is such a hassle, the last thing I want is for it to get wet and frizzy and have to straighten it all over again. The humidity that comes along with rain makes my face feel sticky and greasy. I am anal about my skin care. I wash my face more often and using more products than someone with OCD. I hate when it rains and there's worms and snails all over the side walk. Am I just being an overdramatic girly girl? Absolutely.
Today I got the thumbs up that I got the job I had applied for last week. I am now a Customer Serive Representitive at a music school/store in the lesson department. Ideally, it's a perfect job for me. I can wear whatever I want, I get to be around music all day, I get more than minimum wage and I'll just be sitting in an office, i.e. no scrubbing floors, making smoothies, dealing with illiterate moron managers *cough Freshly Squeezed, cough*. The only down side is that it's pretty far north of where I live. It will run me $4.25 in bus fare each way, and a decent walk in from the bus stop on Yonge street. Again, instant thought: "What if it rains?!?!" Now I'm caught between "I have too much on the go" and "I'm only part-time there, that's not enough money, especially if I'm not in school. I'll need another job too". STRESS!!!!!!
To add a cherry onto the sundae, I just got offered my first real gig. I was sent an email asking if I was interested in playing at a Super Nova Battle Of The Bands. To be completely honest, I signed up for the website after having a huge blowout with my mom about how I wasn't going to school because I just wanted to play music. She argued that I wasn't even making an effort with that. So I signed up online a while back and completely forgot about it. Then this email came in and my first thought was to laugh and delete it. I'm not ready for that. But why aren't I? Isn't it about time? SOMEHOW, I still have no idea how this happened, but I played guitar and sang at my high school's coffee house last year. To say that I'm not a singer would be a major understatement. I'm still convinced that the teacher who gave the thumbs up to my audition was either heavily intoxicated, or mixed me up with another student. Seriously. Well I played and sang the *easiest* cover song ever. 3 power chords and vocally, maybe 4 notes. I didn't bomb it, and I didn't make an ass out of myself but I only did OKAY at most. Keep in mind it was only one song. I was on stage for less than 3 minutes total.
To wrap up the babbling, I agreed to play this upcoming showcase at The Great Hall in Toronto and am now playing a half hour set. Great. I'm going from playing in front of 100 kids and parents that I've known for years to playing in front of god knows how many complete strangers. It will be a mix of originals and covers as I don't have 30 minutes worth of original material. Seeing as how I don't have a band, I will also mstly likely be the only solo performer at the event. It's more than a month down the road and I already feel like puking, but I know once I do this, assuming I won't get booed off stage, that it will be the best feeling ever. So now I have a meeting to attend downtown about this show and on top of it all, a dentist appointment somewhere in the middle of all this chaos. It doesn't help that I have no support at home about all this either. My family thinks I'm throwing my life away with music.
If you feel like watching me humiliate myself in front of hundreds of people, the show is at The Great Hall at Queen St. West and Dovercourt on October 22. Tickets are $10 and can be bought through me.
"When it rains, it pours."
"Don't stress the small stuff. The big things will figure themselves out."
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